You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize