My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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