Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
