next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
