I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
