You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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