I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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