I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize