What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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