'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
