dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
