Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
