I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We left the knife in your bed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
