I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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