There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
