My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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