The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
