I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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