That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
