My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
