why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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