For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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