i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
