Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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