last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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