Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
