Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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