It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
