I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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