I can feel you judging me through the phone.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
