New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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