you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
