something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize