you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
