So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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