If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
