haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
