Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
