i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
