did you get engaged???
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
