We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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