We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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