cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
