That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
