just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My vagina just clenched in fear
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
