Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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