I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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