what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
