This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize