But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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