You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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