he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
