Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
