it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
