yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Panties = found
Randomize
