How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize