his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Life is so much better after having sex.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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