i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
