he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just invented taco cereal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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