Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize