wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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