my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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