Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
