How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
