We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
