this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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