I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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