Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
